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This post is going to be shitty, so you know. My addiction to bootlegged Nip/Tuck has managed to rot out the four or five remaining brain cells I had.
The only other American at the opera, a Bass, and I titter all rehearsal long these days, in response to our director’s sweet attempt at polite English. When he want something he asks:
“I would please you to…” i.e. I would please you to enter later/play more regretful/zoom in with the camera, etc.
When my Bosnian co-assistant director asked what was up, I told her that although he was using a literal translation (the verb bitten=to request, also the participle root of Bitte, or please), it ended up having a vaguely dirty ring to it…like a stone’s throw away from “I would pleasure you to…”
I explained that the more correct expression would be “I would ask you to…”
She considered this for a second.
“Could you then say…I would ask you to give me a big please?”
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