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Hi there. Being an expat is hard. Sometimes it’s hysterical, fabulous hard, and sometimes it’s spirit-crushing, empty hard. Today, and honestly the last few days have belonged to the latter category. A big thank you to all who have written me regarding the blog. In addition to being a great outlet for ridiculousness, it’s also a comforting way to know that people are there, though far away. Biting andecdotes aside, that knowledge is more important to me than Hello Kitty vibrators, GEZ guys and PoMos combined. Shit, combined and squared…especially these days.
Now schluss with the self-pity. Onto the fun. La Comedia is never finita, keep in mind.
I walked into a German drugstore, an Apotheke, today. A lady was standing by a massive stack of skin care products, passing out samples, promoting. As I passed by, she let loose a low whistle. “Madam, your skin is really dry” she said.
And it is. I’m exhausted. I’m spending eight hours a day on a new production, and about three or four extra hours on the next one. Not to mention my preparations for a remount in Austria this spring. Forgive me if I forget the lotion. And my grasp of the German language.
She had a little machine that she then rubbed over my skin, in order to point out the white flecks that indicated (in addition to my caucasianness) that my face has the moisture profile of a desert.
“Try this lotion” she said “every night before you go to bed”. She gave me a free sample.
I turned to her with the same question I’ve asked every such skin-care hustler with whom I’ve ever come into contact.
“You see, the thing is…although I have dry skin, I always get pimples all over my face”.
The woman stared at me. She cracked an odd, half smile. She then took the free sample out of my hand and wished me a good day.
It was only then, through my comatose state, that I realized my mistake. The word for pimple in German is Pickel (pronounced like Pickle), and the word for urine…that is, pee, is Pinkel. I had inadvertently used the latter.
I had just told the woman that “although I have dry skin, I always put pee all over my face.”
Jesus Christ.
As with so many situations before…
…I left immediately.
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