Lydia’s Blog

So, I was released from the hospital this morning amid lukewarm German controversy “I wouldn’t let her go…just look at all that pus!” “Well as long as you and your competent staff let it get that bad…” “Well whatever, it’s your damned signature…”

Then, I saw a list of teutonojokes sent to me by a dear old friend and master deadpan artist, Patrick Flanagan (who, upon seeing two blind Russians singing for alms in Vienna’s backstreets once loudly inquired “How do these people find each other?”).

Finding no better paraphrase for my last few days, I bring you the possibly proprietary words of Patrick Flanagan.

The canonical top 11 German jokes.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
The police. I’m afraid there’s been an accident.
Your husband is in hospital.

A man walks into a pub. He is an alcoholic whose
drink problem is destroying his family.

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off
a bridge? She was clinically depressed and took
her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

What do you call a cat with no tail?
A manx cat.

Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is
important That their appearance has a degree of
gravitas.

How many electricians does it take to change a
light bulb? One.

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression
that they have climaxed.

Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the
other and says: ‘Last night I saw lots of strange
men coming in and out of your wife’s house.’

The other man replies: ‘Yes, she has become a
prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.’

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a
bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow
looks round a bit, eats some grass and then
wanders off.

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to
attempt to sell
pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated
rainforest.

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 13th, 2006 at 5:08 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.