Lydia’s Blog

Here’s a sweet phrase to add to your day-to-day vernacular. I maintain that I invented the term, although I’ve been informed by others that I might be mistaken.

Whatever, they’re dicks. This baby is so mine. I was dropping it back at grad school back in the oh won…

The term is this: Muffin Top. This describes the condition by which the waistband and/or hip area of a skirt or pair of trousers (also to some degree bikini bottoms, underwear, shorts, etc.) is (to vastly varying degrees) too snug on a person (generally female). The result of this miscalculation is one of the following:

Mild Muffin Top: the skin and underlying fat of the belly, torso, hips and possibly upper buttcheeks are pinched at an unflattering location, creating a fleshy spillover.

Acute Muffin Top: the skin and underlying fat of the upper thighs, hips, lower buttocks and, in severe cases, pubis are squeezed in such a way as to be forced upwards, thus joining the skin and underlying fat of the belly, torso, hips and possibly upper buttcheeks, as mentioned above (please see Mild Muffin Top). This combined payload creates a spillover of rather more epic scope.

Muffin Top is not exclusively a question of weight, or even fat distribution. It is far more a symptom of underfunctioning circumferential perception, in most cases combined with an unforgiveably shitty sense of fashion. (ex. stovepipe hiphuggers)

Possible uses of the phrase:

Noun (reflexive use): Fuck, you guys…I can’t buy these stovepipe hiphuggers, check out the Muffin Top I’m sporting here…

Noun (nonreflexive use): What would possibly convince a girl that thin to wear something miniscule enough to raise a Muffin Top like that? Is that from Baby Gap?

Adjective: See that girl over there? No, I meant the other one–the Muffin Toppy girl wearing the Ramones shirt from H & M.

Verb: If you buy those stovepipe hiphuggers like, two sizes bigger, they won’t Muffin Top you quite that much…

Verb (gerund form): Please don’t let her go out that way, she’s Muffin Topping all over the place.

Verb (simple past): Wow guys, those stovepipe hiphuggers really Muffin Topped the shit out of me back there. Thanks for being such good friends and not letting me buy them.

MUFFIN TOP COMPETITION!!!

Send your best picture of a Muffin Top (yours or someone else’s) to lydiasteier@gmail.com. I’ll post the candidates and put it to a vote. The individual who sent the winning photo will receive a genuine Berlin-Prenzlauerberg PoMo artifact sent to them. (Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery).

Entries must be received by July 1.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 13th, 2006 at 4:42 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.